DoktaKra.com

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Fan Mail, Part III

Posted by doktakra on August 12, 2009 at 1:55 PM

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you, without a mailbag to step to....okay, that made no sense, but you get the point.  I've received a few inquiring emails from people who've visited this site (all two dozen of them), and I'm here to set the record straight on a variety of topics, and maybe even share some unexpected developments.


Previous reader mailbags:  December 6  |  October 16


Q:  So how are things going with the new woman and have you converted her to hip hop/R&B yet?


Ha, I'll answer the second part first.  The hip-hop hasn't really been an issue, especially when she can show off those dancing skills.  R&B?  Not so much.  In fact, I almost gave up on that endeavor entirely when she called my man Maxwell "a woman." I'm still trying to recover from that vicious blow.  To her credit, she's a fan of Motown, but has no appreciation for cheesy smooth '90's soul (and if anyone knows a thing about soul, it's a white guy from the suburbs).

 

All that aside, we're doing all right.  We've now passed the one-month hurdle, the highlight of which was undoubtedly watching terrible Color Me Badd and MC Hammer videos on YouTube last weekend.  I think we look ridiculously cute, if I may say so myself, and at one point, she forced me out of the pool to do my fantasy football draft. You know what, I'll just let Luther take it from here...

 



Q:  I recently read that soy "has the power to undermine everything it means to be male." Given that your diet is 70% soy, 20% cheese [Ed. note: 90% soy] does this article worry you?


Huh, well, I guess that explains why I'm so in touch with my feminine side then, doesn't it?  But on a more serious note -- ***Breaking News*** (because honestly, doesn't everything sound a little more exciting when it has "breaking news" in front of it?) -- I've been looking for a reason to start eating fish again, and I think this one's as good as any.  So yes, I'm once again becoming a dreaded person I hate, a "pescatarian," or more commonly referred to as a "hypocrite."  Sigh.


Q:  I'd like to know what your favorite animal is and why.


I have two.  As a kid, I collected toy pigs (no idea why, but I'm guessing toy stores in Russia had very limited selection), and annoyed the hell out of my grandfather by burying them in the backyard, hoping they'd grow bigger and reproduce.  I was a brilliant child.  I later discovered the awesomeness of monkeys swinging by their tails at the Bronx Zoo when I was 12, and became instantly hooked.  In fact, I may or may not have a stuffed animal monkey on my bed right now.  Um, let's move on...


Q:  Are you worried about your girlfriend leaving you for Dan Marino?

I can say with 100% certainty that I'm not concerned about losing my girlfriend (or as I like to call her, "gf" for short) to Dan Marino.  I wish I could say as much for a couple of other Miami Dolphins who are on her "cheat list."  Yep, like every other couple in a happy relationship, we've allowed each other five exceptions.  For the record, mine are Candace Parker (shocker, I know), Beyonce, Rihanna, Mary-Louise Parker, and Christina Hendricks (what? I had to fill the white woman quota).


Q:  How about those Lakers, baby!!


And...that's where the mailbag shall come to a close.  Thanks to everyone who submitted a question!

Categories: Mailbags, Girls, Random Stuff

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10 Comments

Reply kchapple
2:05 PM on August 12, 2009 
I am a little pissed that you start eating fish weeks after I offer you lobster.
Reply Jas
2:23 PM on August 12, 2009 
Why are you a vegetarian?
Reply doktakra
3:54 PM on August 12, 2009 
kchapple says...
I am a little pissed that you start eating fish weeks after I offer you lobster.

Yeah, well, you failed to mention that my love of soy would turn me into a woman. But now we know...just don't tell me how lobsters are cooked and it's all good... ;)
Reply doktakra
3:56 PM on August 12, 2009 
Jas says...
Why are you a vegetarian?

Truthfully, I never really liked red meat, and I feel like I can replace it with soy/tofu products and save the earth and whatnot...
Reply KChapple
4:18 PM on August 12, 2009 
doktakra says...
Yeah, well, you failed to mention that my love of soy would turn me into a woman. But now we know...just don't tell me how lobsters are cooked and it's all good... ;)

I gave all mine a kiss on the forehead and a cocktail before. They didn't feel a thing.
Reply doktakra
4:36 PM on August 12, 2009 
KChapple says...
I gave all mine a kiss on the forehead and a cocktail before. They didn't feel a thing.

Awww, that's touching...it's the way they would've wanted to go.
Reply Monchhichi
6:31 PM on August 12, 2009 
For the record, I asked the Marino question and I'm a little unsatisfied with the answer as it was my hope to set off panic.

Out of curiosity, who is on your girl's cheat list? Larry Csonka?

100% agreed on monkeys.
Reply CPIZDASHYT
11:08 PM on August 12, 2009 
Mary Louise Parker??WTF dok...LMAO i kno u got somebody better to put on that list lol. and cute pic in the pool! awww you guys!
Reply Mishka
11:16 AM on August 13, 2009 
Hey Monchhichi --- Great question! Although Marino was my first love, I def wouldn't leave Dok for him now.
The following guys, however, are a possibility... ;)
Akin Ayodele (Dolphins player)
Channing Crowder (Dolphins player)
Slash from GnR
Jimmy Fallon
John Hannah (Scottish actor)
Alternate - Larry Csonka .... (just kidding!) :)
Reply doktakra
11:33 AM on August 13, 2009 
CPIZDASHYT says...
Mary Louise Parker??WTF dok...LMAO i kno u got somebody better to put on that list lol. and cute pic in the pool! awww you guys!

Hmm...well, the more I think about it, maybe you're right. If the gf will let me, I'd like to replace Mary-Louise Parker with either Emmanuelle Chriqui or Nicole Scherzinger.

Also, Mish failed to mention her infatuations with Usher, Jeff Goldblum, Bobby Flay, Blair Underwood, and Carrot Top (I may have made up one of those).

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