All of My Obsessions in One Place

My Life

Fan Mail, Part III

Posted by doktakra on August 12, 2009 at 1:55 PM Comments comments (10)

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you, without a mailbag to step to....okay, that made no sense, but you get the point.  I've received a few inquiring emails from people who've visited this site (all two dozen of them), and I'm here to set the record straight on a variety of topics, and maybe even share some unexpected developments.

Previous reader mailbags:  December 6  |  October 16

Q:  So how are things going with the new woman and have you converted her to hip hop/R&B yet?

Ha, I'll answer the second part first.  The hip-hop hasn't really been an issue, especially when she can show off those dancing skills.  R&B?  Not so much.  In fact, I almost gave up on that endeavor entirely when she called my man Maxwell "a woman." I'm still trying to recover from that vicious blow.  To her credit, she's a fan of Motown, but has no appreciation for cheesy smooth '90's soul (and if anyone knows a thing about soul, it's a white guy from the suburbs).


All that aside, we're doing all right.  We've now passed the one-month hurdle, the highlight of which was undoubtedly watching terrible Color Me Badd and MC Hammer videos on YouTube last weekend.  I think we look ridiculously cute, if I may say so myself, and at one point, she forced me out of the pool to do my fantasy football draft. You know what, I'll just let Luther take it from here...


Q:  I recently read that soy "has the power to undermine everything it means to be male." Given that your diet is 70% soy, 20% cheese [Ed. note: 90% soy] does this article worry you?

Huh, well, I guess that explains why I'm so in touch with my feminine side then, doesn't it?  But on a more serious note -- ***Breaking News*** (because honestly, doesn't everything sound a little more exciting when it has "breaking news" in front of it?) -- I've been looking for a reason to start eating fish again, and I think this one's as good as any.  So yes, I'm once again becoming a dreaded person I hate, a "pescatarian," or more commonly referred to as a "hypocrite."  Sigh.

Q:  I'd like to know what your favorite animal is and why.

I have two.  As a kid, I collected toy pigs (no idea why, but I'm guessing toy stores in Russia had very limited selection), and annoyed the hell out of my grandfather by burying them in the backyard, hoping they'd grow bigger and reproduce.  I was a brilliant child.  I later discovered the awesomeness of monkeys swinging by their tails at the Bronx Zoo when I was 12, and became instantly hooked.  In fact, I may or may not have a stuffed animal monkey on my bed right now.  Um, let's move on...

Q:  Are you worried about your girlfriend leaving you for Dan Marino?

I can say with 100% certainty that I'm not concerned about losing my girlfriend (or as I like to call her, "gf" for short) to Dan Marino.  I wish I could say as much for a couple of other Miami Dolphins who are on her "cheat list."  Yep, like every other couple in a happy relationship, we've allowed each other five exceptions.  For the record, mine are Candace Parker (shocker, I know), Beyonce, Rihanna, Mary-Louise Parker, and Christina Hendricks (what? I had to fill the white woman quota).

Q:  How about those Lakers, baby!!

And...that's where the mailbag shall come to a close.  Thanks to everyone who submitted a question!

Fan Mail, Part II

Posted by doktakra on December 6, 2008 at 4:05 PM Comments comments (4)

For my first all-reader mailbag, click here.

It's that time again -- my inbox is full of questions...or you know, has three emails.  I planned on saving some of these for a later date, but the people demand answers!  As always, these are real questions that I've received from people who visited this site.  Please note that this entry is rated PG-13 for mature language and subject matter -- some material may be unsuitable for children under 13 and parental guidance is strongly suggested.

Q:  You're fantastic! Call me.  (Dec 2, 2008)

So apparently, I am the type to send my picture to a complete stranger.  (Dec 4, 2008)

A random admirer of your puns.

[Ed Note:  The first two were privates messages left on my Deadspin profile page; my response to the first one was that I needed to see a picture prior to calling.  The third was the subject line of an email, which included a photo of the sender.]

Let me just say -- anyone who compliments me and approaches borderline-stalker level in the process is getting into the mailbag.  Okay, that's not true -- anyone who emails me at all is getting into the mailbag, but you get the point.  I'm not gonna lie to you -- I would've probably definitely called, if you'd left a number, because that's just what I do.  I should also note that when I first saw the email, I thought it said "random admirer of your penis," and I didn't even bat an eyelid...I'm not sure what that says about me...or you.  Anyways, I appreciate the kind words, and thank you for being brave enough to let me know that you think I'm both incredibly sexy and hilarious, as well as sending a photo of yourself.  A little less clothes next time, okay?  (That's NOT her on the right, in case you're not aware -- I just needed an excuse to post a picture of the lovely Adrianne Palicki.)

Q:  FYI, your girl is married now.  Does this change anything?

Damn you for making me face reality!  I will address this subject once and for all, and then we will never speak of it again.  Yes, Candace Parker is now married, presumably to Shelden Williams, though she doesn't actually say who she eloped with in the video.  To answer your question -- this changes nothing!  I guess my chances are now a little less realistic than before (so you're telling me there's a chance?), but I wish Candace all the best and hope that she and Shelden have a long and happy marriage.  You know what, screw it -- take it away D'Angelo...

Q:  I'm looking at you tv show picks and I think you'll really like Dexter.  It's in the third season now but you don't need to watch one and two to get it.  Check it out and let me know what you think.

You know, I saw the first two seasons for $20 each on Black Friday, but I hesitated to pull the trigger (um, pun intended?  He's a killer, right?).  I'm regretting it now, because I've heard good things about it ever since.  See, I can't start watching a show without seeing it from the beginning  -- I've done that before and it ruins a lot of the surprises/twists/jokes.  Thanks for the recommendation though...I'll be on the lookout for a good sale.  If anyone has the DVDs or would like to have a question answered in my next mailbag, you know how to reach me...

Fan Mail

Posted by doktakra on October 16, 2008 at 7:53 AM Comments comments (5)

I know what you're thinking, and I'm a little surprised myself.  On a good day, this site gets a meager 300 comparison, the prominent sports blogs get several hundred thousand visitors on a daily basis.  Obviously, my site doesn't offer breaking news stories, and few people care about my opinion on, well, anything.  But I guess there is a small niche that know all I have in this world, are balls and my world.  So, I appreciate that some people have taken the time to actually write in and give me a couple of thoughts.  Here is my first all-reader mailbag, with actual emails I've received over the last month (I'll keep these anonymous for now).  I may have gotten the idea from Bill Simmons, but this won't be nearly as long....or interesting, for that matter...haha.

Q:  I like the site but I don't get why don't you have more sports content?  I think you should do a Kings blog or just a general sports one.  Good job overall.

Thank you for the kind words.  Well, I used to have a Kings blog on this site several years ago, back when it was primarily a Sacramento fan page.  The thing is, I live in New York, and any of my observations would rely on televised games (still haven't decided if I wanna get League Pass again), online recaps and boxscores, and other blogs.  Obviously, the Sacramento Bee does an excellent job of covering just about everything you could ask for, and Sactown Royalty is fantastic.  In short, I don't know what I could really offer to intice Kings fans to come here for that reason.

This seems like the perfect time, however, to promote a new project.  A few prominent Deadspin commenters (FEAST and Sports-Pun) and I have started a new NBA humor blog:  There are already several entries, which are pretty damn funny, if I may say so myself.  These two guys are much more creative and imaginative than I can ever be, so even if you think I'm as bad as Matthew Berry, just take a look.  Now there's a ringing endorsement!

Q:  dude - the hip hop pages are hot and i can tell you know your sh*t.  but your ipod selection is whack!!  r.kelly? some garbage pop bands?  start listening to real music.

Hmmm....that's a fair assessment.  See, here's the deal -- I probably own more hip-hop and R&B albums than just about anyone.  I buy new releases almost every week, and listen to all kinds of underground artists.  But you know what happens?  I don't really understand this phenomenon, but I end up going back to the same old songs over and over again.  I mostly listen to my iPod when I'm at the gym, so those tracks you see are more or less my workout playlist.  You mention R. Kelly, who's my favorite R&B singer (seriously, and I don't care about the peeing or anythning).  Ignition (Remix) is not only upbeat and catchy, but it's unintentionally hilarious.  Some alternative/pop music has grown on me as of late, as I touched on here.  I guess I do have a lot of non-rap stuff on there...maybe it's time I updated the list and made myself look a little cooler...nah....

Q:  If you have a web site business selling products and services, then we can help you with internet marketing! We have helped thousands of companies to succeed on the web with our successful internet marketing and online advertising services. Now you can put these same services to work for your online business. Click the links on this page to get started now...

Yeah, I realize this is an advertisement, but it came to my inbox under "Feedback for," so someone clicked on my contact link.  I don't really care for these marketing tactics, but if you would like to have your ad placed on this site, please let me know.  As I mentioned, those 300+ visitors per day means close to 10,000 per month, so you never know....haha.  The day I get a sponsor, is the day I know I've sold out...and I'm okay with this. 

Q:  Simple question.  What's up with the Candace Parker stuff?

Haven't you ever been obsessed with someone you've never met in person, and devoted a large portion of your time to thinking about her, constantly searching for new pictures, posting numerous blog entries about how much you love her, and sitting outside of her apartment with binoculars?  Er...scratch the last one.  I guess that doesn't really answer your question then...sorry, I got nothing.

Q:  Hi.  My name is Amanda and if you're looking for a good time check out my webcam on...

Um....hey, Amanda, if that is your real name.  Please don't use my website to send me this trash...but if you're gonna do that, at least include compromising pictures in the email body so I don't have to sit there and contemplate clicking on the link.  Until we meet again....